Jamie Kern Lima, How to believe YOU are enough and transform your life.

When Jamie Kern Lima, the Denny's waitress turned CEO of a billion-dollar beauty empire, sits across from you, you know you're about to hear a story FUELD by a very strong BURN. Our conversation, saturated with strands of self-worth and confidence, presents new paradigms for personal fulfillment. Jamie's candidness about her rise through the ranks of L'Oréal, and her own battles with self-doubt despite her monumental success, offers a resonating voice for anyone who's ever felt 'not enough'.

- Delve into the importance of self-worth with insights from Jamie Kern Lima and the foundation it sets for building self-confidence.

- Hear Ben Newman's personal recount of Jamie's genuine support and their shared insights on the widespread struggle with feelings of inadequacy.

- Discover Jamie Kern Lima's perspective on the difference between self-worth and self-confidence, and her unique approach to addressing them in her book "Worthy."

- Listen to personal anecdotes from Jamie and Ben that highlight the challenges and triumphs over low self-worth.

- Learn about the actionable steps towards recognizing your worth and combating impostor syndrome, as discussed in Jamie's transformative journey in "Worthy."

Time Stamps

00:00 Weekly show featuring individuals driven by purpose.
05:17 Struggling with self-doubt, finding self-worth.
07:21 Excited praise for upcoming life-changing book release.
11:00 Chasing big dreams doesn't guarantee fulfillment.
16:19 Recognizing undervalued talents and building self-worth.
18:18 Our self-worth determines our capacity for love.
21:51 Reframing rejection and failure for personal growth.
24:45 Emotional but confident man finds self-worth.
28:59 Learning to enjoy hustling, fearless about rejection.


First 100 listeners to email info@bennewman.net will get free copy of Jamie's new book, Worthy!
Use the word- WORTHY in the subject line.


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Send us a message

Order my latest book The STANDARD: Winning at YOUR Highest Level: https://amzn.to/3DE1clY

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Connect with me everywhere else:

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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Continuedfight/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/ContinuedFight

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ben-newman-b0b693

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Here's what a lot of people don't realize is our self-worth is like the foundation of our fulfillment. Our self-confidence is at the house we build upon it. So many of us are building these huge houses on this teeny, tiny, shaky foundation and not realizing that our whole lives we built a lot of confidence but we still, underneath it all, don't feel we are enough and valuable as a person.

Speaker 2: 0:35

Welcome back to another episode of the Burn. I am Ben Newman and you know how we do this every single week we're going to bring you a story of an athlete, an entertainer, a celebrity, somebody from the business world who understands that why and purpose is not enough. There's this underlying burn that lies inside of each of us, that ignites our why and purpose and causes us to show up on the days we just don't feel like it, and especially after we win. I got to tell you you guys know I always talk about being excited for interviews, but like today, I am beyond excited. I kid you not, I have goosebumps right now.

Speaker 2: 1:15

Ever since I had the opportunity to meet Jamie Kern Lima at an event in person we got to speak together to honor our friend, ed Milette I have just been floored by her energy, her passion, her transparency and her love of other people in life To literally go from being a Denny's waitress to having a billion dollar organization and to do the things that she's done, but to have the fire, energy and passion to give and to love others. Just watch her stories on Instagram. It is as real as it gets and then, when you're blessed, to now be able to call her a friend and to get that energy in person. It will light you up and I couldn't be any more excited. We're going to talk about a lot of really exciting things today, but I am so excited for all of you to be able to spend time with my dear friend, jamie Kern Lima. Welcome to the burn.

Speaker 1: 2:13

Ben, thank you so much. It is so great to be here. I am so fired up for this episode. Yeah, thank you for having me also.

Speaker 2: 2:22

Well, I am so excited about this and I want to share. When we were just at Brendan Burchard's event, you and I text message before the event and I was so excited to see you and I got to just tell everybody like what I just said about transparency, authenticity being real. Like when you see Jamie, you just want to give her a hug. And then, like when you see her, and then here's what I watched. I sat behind you and you were so engaged the whole day, Like your energy and passion and I'm just going to give it to you real guys, Jamie wasn't even speaking that day. She was just there to support people that she loved and I was like, oh my goodness, like I knew how real you were, but that day like took it away from me, Jamie. It was just awesome to see how lit up you were to just support, but also I saw you taking notes and things. So I know you were there to learn too and it was just. It was just awesome.

Speaker 1: 3:19

Yeah, I think I think you and I have this in common. And you know, there's that famous saying success leaves clues. And I always think then, when you see somebody crushing it, who has just moved humanity forward or built incredible businesses, or like taking it to the next level as an athlete, I feel like it's almost never an accident that they are successful. And I think you and I have this in common, as does Edmai Lett. A lot of our other friends were like lifelong students, right. So for me it's such a rarity that I'm at an event and not speaking at it that day, to be able to sit there and take it in and learn and grow and stretch and all the things. And I just have to call this out, mr Ben Newman. Okay, for anyone who I don't even know if this is available online somewhere, but you brought you all, ben brought the entire house down and this is a packed event, like literally a packed event. I think it was close to sold, a sold out event that Brendan Rashard had put on. There was not a dry eye in there when Ben spoke.

Speaker 1: 4:24

I, I and I've seen you speak before, but I have never seen it at that level where I was sort of like watching this, just like watching you in real time, go from excellent to like a whole other level, a whole other level.

Speaker 1: 4:39

So it was an honor to be there. I'm so glad I got to witness it and and yeah, but I think I'm sure so many of the people sharing this episode with us right now, listening to us, and I think we probably all have this in common, right, where we have this kind of like knowing deep down inside that we're on this earth to to give or serve or create or ideate or or take, you know, our lives to to great heights and feel like we have this great calling inside of us. And Because a lot of people see my story, they're like oh, denny's Weachers built a billion-dollar empire, first CEO ever you know, woman to hold a CEO title and laurels 100 plus your history of any brand, all these things. And they think I must just every day have this unremitting passion and burn and all those things.

Speaker 1: 5:24

And I do have that and I also have dealt with so much self-doubt most of my life, a lot of my life, I confused self-confidence with self-worth and I didn't know why I kept achieving all these things, taking everything to the next level, but always felt like something was missing, always felt like I wasn't enough, despite the whole world telling me at this point I was enough. And you know, it's why I wrote my book Werby that I'm so excited to talk to you about, because it's like literally out now, which I've been it's been years in the making and I'm so excited about it. But why I wrote it was because and maybe a lot of people are going to have a big aha moment, the way I did today is that my whole life I believe this. I'm going to call it a lie. I believe this lie that if I just keep accomplishing enough, then I'll finally feel that void of feeling like I'm not enough.

Speaker 1: 6:22

And what's interesting about this idea of feeling not enough is, right now, as we're speaking, 73% of men, 73% of men, feel inadequate and not enough. They just are very good at hiding it. 80% of women right, you look at all the research 80% of women feel be done inside like they're not enough. And when we believe we're not enough as who we are, a it's a lie, but how it manifests in our life is in self-worth issues that, as leaders, as CEOs, as athletes, as you name it, what it looks like is we end up sabotaging our success, we end up like staying stuck at certain levels and we end up at the best case scenario when we don't, when we don't learn to develop like rock solid self-worth, which is very different than self-confidence At the very best case scenario, you'll achieve a whole lot of stuff but still feel unfulfilled and like something's missing.

Speaker 2: 7:21

Let me, I gotta, just say something about the book, because this is why I was so excited, why you wrote the book to explore this topic, because in Believe it, which became a New York Times best seller, and in all the great things that you do in sharing your story, there was this like desire to want more, to dive into what I think, because, you remember, I'm a coach and so, like this coaching element of like, how often is self-worth kept you from being the best person that you can be?

Speaker 2: 7:50

And so I'm reading and learning about the upcoming book and it is amazing and I'm grateful to be part of the release this week and you better go get a copy. I'm going to make it as easy as possible in order to have a link right in all of the call notes to get the book, but here's a quote directly from you, and I do not read quotes when I do burn episodes, but I am reading this quote because this hit me where I was like worthy is going to change the world, so I want everybody to just, if you're driving your car, I want you to just almost pull over and listen If you're at home.

Speaker 2: 8:22

I want you to slow down and listen and then I'm giving the bike back to Jamie. But this was so powerful, it just stopped me and I was like this book worthy is going to change the world. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. In your business, leadership, relationships, friendships, ambitions. You don't rise to what you believe is possible. You fall to what you believe you're worthy of. When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. Worthy teaches you how I wrote worthy for you. If you have some self-doubt to destroy and destiny to fulfill, I mean, if that doesn't cause you to like, go buy the book, I don't know what does. But how did these powerful words and thoughts about this concept of worthy through self-doubt, how did this come to you, jamie?

Speaker 3: 9:17

A major part of reaching your peak performance is having the right people in your life or organization, and to help with that, we are proud to introduce our strategic partner, spark Companies. No matter the industry or workforce needs, spark Companies provide extremely effective solutions for leadership, recruitment, staffing and other workforce solutions. For our listeners, spark is offering a no-cost consultative session to help identify your specific needs and how they might be able to help. To schedule your free consultation, head over to bennewmannet forward slash spark. That's bennewmannet forward slash s-p-a-r-k. Now let's get back into the show.

Speaker 1: 10:00

I thank you for sharing that. By the way, I am so passionate about A. The entire book felt like both a divine download and also lived through experiences where I feel so blessed to have worked so hard. I mean, I did a hundred-hour weeks for over a decade and, you know, was so focused on building this billion-dollar company, on shifting culture in an entire industry. Right, and such huge aspirations, god-sized dreams, and after accomplishing so many of them right, I was still, after being so blessed to have things happen to me I could have only imagined when I was waitressing tables at Denny's. After getting all of it, I still felt like something's missing, I still felt like I wasn't enough and I found myself still sabotaging things and I literally didn't know why. And here's what I want to say to everybody For anyone listening to us right now who feels like you've ever wanted that huge goal or dream and maybe it was like your business, hitting a certain threshold or hitting certain goals as an athlete or leadership goals in your career.

Speaker 1: 11:15

Maybe it's getting six pack abs, it's hitting a certain body, fat person, it's getting the dream cards, getting the certain number in the bank account, it could be. Whatever it might be, and you work so hard For some of us we work decades for that thing and then you finally get it, because you think when I finally get that, then I'm gonna be happy, then I'm gonna be fulfilled, then I'm gonna feel enough. And then what happens? When we finally get that thing, like for a lot of us, for most of us right, and anyone listening right now think of an example in your life where you work so hard for that thing and then for most of us we get it and we're like so excited for a minute, Maybe for a year or a month or a week or a few hours, and before we know it we're back to that feeling of like I don't know why, I don't feel fulfilled. And so then what we do is we work hard and hard, and hard and hard and thinking that we'll solve it. And let me just take a step back. Every advertisement, everything we're ever taught, is when we finally accomplish those things, then we'll be happy. For some of us is the white picket fence and the three kids and whatever it might be right. And here's the thing about fulfillment. And I go deep, because my first book believe it was sort of my story of learning to believe in myself.

Speaker 1: 12:22

Well worthy is tactical. Worthy is over 20 tools on how you build unshakable self-worth. And I go deep in there on this whole chart and equation called ultimate fulfillment equation, and it talks about how we need growth To be ultimately fulfilled in life. We always need to be growing. We need to be building self-confidence that's important. So we need to be going after those things that we feel in our heart called to do, like that's so important that we're building confidence and growing. We need to be contributing to something greater than ourselves. Those three things are important, but all of those, when you combine them, are multiplied by our level of self-worth underneath it all in order to be fulfilled.

Speaker 1: 13:05

And we so often believe a lie that, just like, when we don't feel enough, it's because we haven't achieved enough, and that is not true. And underneath it all, so really quickly like self-confidence, right, we always think we just need more self-confidence, but what we really need is self-worth to be fulfilled, to be fearless about going after things to not when you have strong self-worth underneath it all. Right. Self-worth is the deep internal knowing that you are worthy of love and belonging exactly as you are, exactly as God made you, not as you achieve, not as your successes or failures, not as your past mistakes exactly as you are. And self-worth is like rock solid. It's unwavering, based on what's going on outside of you. So confidence is very different. It rises and falls based on if you're winning or losing, based on your assessment of your skills and abilities, your willingness to try and go for it, how you feel you stack up and measure against other people. And there's this study that shows the boxers 30% more confident when he wins the fight. Their self-confidence fluctuates. It fluctuates and it's volatile, but it's very, very different. And here's what a lot of people don't realize is our self-worth is like the foundation of our fulfillment. Our self-confidence is like the house we build upon it. So many of us are building these huge houses on this teeny, tiny, shaky foundation and not realizing that our whole lives we've built a lot of confidence, but we still, underneath it all, don't feel we are enough and valuable as a person.

Speaker 1: 14:42

In my life, then, to answer your question, I was at this moment in my life and I'll use just one small example where, growing up, I would always watch Oprah in my living room every day and thought one day I'm gonna share other people's stories with the world and she was sort of my mentor, afar, who I had never met and all the things. And it just had this knowing, this feeling like I wouldn't meet her one day and fast forward I sell my company for a billion dollars, I'm on the Forbes list, everything I had. So much self-confidence, so much self-confidence. And I met her, went to lunch at her house. She and I had a three hour lunch, just me and her. It was like for me a lifelong dream, right, and like a childhood hero, like someone who'd impacted my life so much. At the very end of the lunch, she handed me her cell phone number and she said you can call me anytime, and call me anytime. And then, like I did not call her for four years.

Speaker 1: 15:43

Four years went by and I thought I knew why I wasn't calling her. I thought I thought like, oh, I just don't have the perfect thing to say yet. Or, oh, you know, everyone wants something from her. I'm gonna prove I don't need anything. I would tell myself these stories. And four years goes by and I realized one day the real reason I hadn't called her was because, even though I had a whole lot of self-confidence and I had the world's definition of success. Deep down inside, I didn't believe I was worthy of being her friend, and here's what this looks like in our lives, so I sabotaged it.

Speaker 2: 16:19

I think I'm catching onto something here. When I'm hearing this story, it's almost like in that moment with this person that you wanted to meet so badly, you weren't valuing your own talents and gifts enough, and you know how much do people underestimate their talents and gifts, which I think is why you don't have this strong foundation for self-worth. Or maybe it's imposter syndrome. So I know you put so much research and time into building, which I love this part about. It's really like a playbook for you to be able to grow through and understand your self-worth. But how much of that is what people are experiencing? Because that's what it sounds like to me. In that moment, it was like you weren't giving yourself credit for the amazing talents and gifts you had.

Speaker 1: 17:00

Yes, and when we don't believe we are worthy of something, we might make it to the Super Bowl and don't know why we didn't catch the pass. We will sabotage things and we don't know why. We'll finally make it onto a big stage public speaking and we don't know why. It was our worst speech ever. And just to break it down because, again, self-confidence is so important. But if you don't have self-worth underneath it all, you can look like you are crushing it in the world, but until you build that foundation of self-worth here's what it looks like. If you have really, really low self-worth, you'll stay stuck and you'll never go for things. And that might look like you're still crushing it on the outside, but inside you have this like wild idea that might actually move your company forward, but you're not sharing it because you're afraid to fail and you're afraid like and deep down inside you don't actually have that identity of being someone who could truly transform an industry. You don't think you're worthy of that right, so you stay stuck.

Speaker 1: 18:03

Or let's talk about our personal lives. We might stay in unhealthy friendships, unhealthy relationships, unhealthy friend circles you name it when we don't think we are worthy of more than that right. The amount, the amount in depth we are able to love ourselves is literally the limit of the amount in depth that we believe are worthy of being loved by someone else, and so it becomes a whole thing. And so it's like, if we have medium level self-worth, we have medium level self-worth that looks like we go for things, we'll go for things, but then somehow, along the way, sabotage them, which is what I did with the Oak, for example. I had a whole lot of self-confidence but, underneath it all, hadn't learned that self-worth is very different, Hadn't learned to believe I was worthy just exactly as I am, exactly as God made me.

Speaker 1: 18:58

And if we have medium to high self-worth, that looks like we actually go for things, we accomplish all of it, but we have this unremitting just feeling that we're not enough, that something's missing, that we're an imposter and, by the way, the majority of men deal with imposter syndrome, just like women. So it's like that's what it looks like. And I want to say one thing, especially for your audience, Ben, because I know for those of us like you, like myself, that we are like oh, I am on this earth to do great things, Like we are fired up and don't want to lose that fire. And what I'll say is there's this fear that if you believe you're enough as you are, will you lose your ambition?

Speaker 1: 19:43

Will you lose your edge, and that is a flat out lie. You will not. Here's what I mean by that. Confidence rises or falls based on if you're winning or losing all the things. Self-worth is rock solid. The higher your self-worth, the more fearless you become going for it so powerful.

Speaker 1: 20:04

Right, because you're not afraid to fall flat on your face, you're not afraid to fail, you're not afraid to have setbacks, you're not afraid to make mistakes, because you know, oh yeah, those might take a hit at my confidence that minute, but they're not affecting who. I am my rock solid self-worth. So the more you raise that level of self-worth, actually, the more fearless and aggressive and competent you are to go after ambitions and after dreams, because you know they can't touch you, they can't affect you, the outcome doesn't matter. I mean, I was building it cosmetics from my living room. You know a lot of people see the outcome oh wow, you sold for $1.2 billion cash we built to over a thousand employees.

Speaker 1: 20:44

The first three years of that business, though, oh my gosh, it was hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of rejections, and for a lot of us, when we get so many rejections in our past or our present, or we feel like we've failed so many times, yes, that affects our confidence, but a lot of us let it take root at an identity level, and that's when it can chip away at your self-worth. So I so, for example. We start, instead of thinking, oh, I failed, we think I'm a failure and instead of like oh, I've been rejected so many times, I'm a reject right, and this can take root, and so, you know, I feel like there's that famous saying by Rory Vaden that we're best positioned in life to serve the person we once were, and I wrote then an entire book about how, when you change your relationship with rejection, you change your entire life, and it's like a masterclass on how to overcome rejection, and I didn't want to wait for it to come out two more years. So we, so I put it as chapter two in Worthy in this book, and I want to share that, because for anybody whether you are athlete, a CEO, an entrepreneur, somebody who is an artist, someone who knows you have a book inside of you, but you sent it to five publishers and they all said no, whatever it might be, this is probably I can't even say it's my favorite chapter. It's so good, it's so important, though, because in my journey, I had to learn how to literally and I go through a framework called the four R's in the book I had to reframe rejection in my life and embrace it, and I go through deep how to do this in your life with current rejections and failures you might face, but also how to revisit past rejections and failures that you might be letting take root in your life right now at an identity level, and it might be failures or rejections.

Speaker 1: 22:38

In sports, ed Milet and I went deep on this the other day because of him sabotaging his baseball career and how you can let that take root at an identity level.

Speaker 1: 22:49

But this teaches you how to even revisit past things that might be like lead balloons, pulling your identity or your self-worth down, and how do you reframe them, replace them and literally change your relationship with rejection or failure.

Speaker 1: 23:04

For me, I had to learn how to do this early on in the first three years, because most of us quit after five rejections and 20 failures a hundred, no's right.

Speaker 1: 23:14

We start to think like okay, everyone else's doubt about me definitely must mean that my dream isn't going to happen, and I had to learn how to like, unlearn that lie and change my relationship with rejection. So I go deep into how to do that in worthy, because I think that it's one of the 20 tools in there that that not only completely transform your self-confidence but actually helps restore your self-worth, because so many of us spend whether it's past relationships, past people that have hurt us in our personal life obviously, our own failures and mistakes, and sports, and our goals and ambitions, and in our business and our dreams, and in how do we make sure that those don't hold us back from where we're going? Because they don't have to, so I go deep into that. So, by the way, your story was so powerful that you shared about how people in our past can hurt us and take root at a self-worth level and have overcome that.

Speaker 3: 24:14

Have you thought about writing a book but just don't have the time? We would love to help you make that dream come true. This year, introducing BNC Publishing, we offer an in-house three-step process to help you bring your book to life. The whole process only takes 16 to 90 days, compared to 18 months for traditional publishing methods. We work fast To see if we are a good fit to work together on your project. Email our team at info at bennewmannet. That's info at bennewmannet. Now back to the show.

Speaker 2: 24:45

You know I'm emotional because we spent time together, but it's here and you say that is bringing tears to my eyes, because there was so much pain in my life because of my relationship with my father that I questioned my self-worth. And I am a confident, you know, energetic guy. So this relationship that you're talking about is so powerful. I hope everybody's listening. That confidence and you being worthy and you having what it takes, they're different. If you don't understand that you do have what it takes and you are worthy, that foundation will never be strong enough. And I went through so much pain, giving so much power to a situation that didn't deserve the power, even though exactly what you're saying feeling this success or people seeing this success I was questioning the self worth that I had and I was blessed to have Ed in my life to really help me see it and to pour into me when I needed it, to realize that I did have this worth, and so I'm going to do something special and unexpected and then I'm going to turn it back over to you to close the show. Just how you show up in life means the world to me, and I always look forward when I see that we're going to be in an event together and I was so excited. Just this opportunity to interview you, to help with getting worthy's message out to the world and your relationship means so much to me and I look forward to more interactions with you in person and virtually like this. But I want to do something special because of how much this book is going to mean to the world and how you emotionally hit me.

Speaker 2: 26:20

Anybody who email the first 100 people who email info at benneumannget your name and address. So the book has released this week. This book is going to be a New York Times bestseller email me your name and address the first 100 and we are going to send you a copy of worthy because this book needs to get out to the world. And that's just the beginning of my support for the book. And you know I've told you many times via text and in person. It really does mean so much to me to have people who are real and true and transparent and authentic in my life. Our friendship is a blessing to me and I just want to give that blessing and gift to you.

Speaker 2: 27:03

But because of my struggle with being worthy, I cannot give a gift to all of our loyal listeners every single week through your words. So, jamie, that is our gift to you and I appreciate you and I'm going to let you close the show because that's how amazing you are. So let me just say this and then I'm turning it over to you I love when all of you join us for the burn. This is what I love bringing you. It's this type of energy and passion that comes from so many amazing people in this world who can provide examples for you that you can do anything and you are worthy in your life.

Speaker 2: 27:38

Thank you for joining us on the burn. I'm going to make sure that in the call notes you have everything you need to make it super easy if you're not one of those first 100. Knowing my generosity, we make it 200 and I'll just do the first 200 because I have a hard time saying no to people. So, thank you, we love and support each and every single one of you, grateful that you join us every week for the burn. But, like I said, I'm going to let Jamie Kernelima and her passion for her new book worthy, which just released this week, to close the burn. Jamie, I turn it over to you.

Speaker 1: 28:08

Thank you so much. Like. That is so generous and I truly appreciate it and thank you for that and, you know, for every person who gets worthy in your hands. You know, and I'm donating 100% of the proceeds. This is literally my life's greatest work and my only ask is when you get a copy, read it. First of all, read it. Read it, it is going to change your life. And when you're done, please give your book to someone else, unless you feel like you took way too many notes inside. Then you want to just send one to them, but take your book and give it to someone else.

Speaker 1: 28:39

This is what I know for sure is like you want to. You know, double your business, double your self worth. Like you want to double your success. Double your self worth like it is the one thing that changes everything.

Speaker 1: 28:54

And had I not learned this lesson, I would still be hustling, which I'm going to hustle the rest of my life. I love hustling, I am such a hard worker, but the difference is now I'm actually learning to enjoy it and feel enough and fulfilled when I'm doing it, and my hope and prayer and fear, ben I there's so much. I'm still working on my life, but I am fearless about rejection and failure, and when I think about every single person who's going to read worthy and become fearless of rejection and failure to and they apply these tools, I just think of the businesses that will go to the next level, like, like the performance of the next level, the ideas that, instead of being stuck inside, will be like offered to the world in the form of new businesses, new books, new creations, new you know, authenticity, so I'm just so fired up about it, so I just want to say thank you so much, thank you for having me and, and even more so, thank you for your heart and for your friendship.

Speaker 2: 29:50

Thank you so much, jamie. This has been the burn.