Gavin Ekstrom, Living with Balance through Extreme Discipline
Oct 30, 2023Season 5Episode 42
Ben Newman
This week's episode of #TheBurnPodcast is a masterclass on balance, hard work, and living to a STANDARD. Gavin Ekstrom is one of the highest performers in the mortgage industry but also a strong example of a father, husband, and business partner.
In this episode we talk about not only Gavin's BURN, but how he has been able to continue to push boundaries in a volatile market, persist through the TOUGH times when many people would have quit (and did), as well as maintaining a highly balanced life with his family.
This episode has been a long overdue conversation and I guarantee you no matter what industry you are in, this will have a profound takeaway for YOU.
Full episode now live on Youtube and all podcast platforms.
This week's episode of #TheBurnPodcast is a masterclass on balance, hard work, and living to a STANDARD. Gavin Ekstrom is one of the highest performers in the mortgage industry but also a strong example of a father, husband, and business partner.
In this episode we talk about not only Gavin's BURN, but how he has been able to continue to push boundaries in a volatile market, persist through the TOUGH times when many people would have quit (and did), as well as maintaining a highly balanced life with his family.
This episode has been a long overdue conversation and I guarantee you no matter what industry you are in, this will have a profound takeaway for YOU.
Full episode now live on Youtube and all podcast platforms.
There's no days off and a double and down in a market like this is so we have the opportunity to impact so many individuals that may be down on their career choices or down on this path, and there's so much opportunity there. So if I get their mind right with the individuals like yourself that are the biggest and the best in the industry, then the opportunities that it has to impact and make a difference not only in our own real estate community but around the world that, to me, is living out a legacy.
Ben Newman:
Welcome back to another episode of the burn. I am Ben Newman and you know how we do this. Every single week you're going to get a story of an athlete and entertainer, a celebrity, somebody from the business world who has recognized that why in purpose is not enough. There's this underlying burn that ignites your why and your purpose, that causes you to show up on the days that you don't feel like doing it, and especially after you win. I want to repeat this I know you hear me say it every week on the days that you don't feel like doing it because my friend and one of the best ever in his industry from the mortgage industry plenty of days right now when individuals don't feel like doing it, and he's continuing to show up and lead. So it's gonna be a special conversation because it won't just be for individuals in the mortgage industry, it's all industries, because mindset is everything.
Ben Newman:
Before I bring them on, I just have to say there's relationships where you meet people and you just know I don't know how, I don't know when, but like I was supposed to meet this person and we're going to do some great things together and those things are not going to be small and we met probably 15 years ago now, at the NCAA basketball tournament in Denver.
Ben Newman:
And when I met Gavin Ekstrom and Brett Baird you've seen Brett here on one of our episodes and Brett's amazing when I met these two guys I was like I've known these guys forever, like these are my old buddies, and it was one of those.
Ben Newman:
We're going to do something big together and, what's interesting, in a world where nobody has patients these days, it took years of just being friends and staying connected and sending them books or seeing them when I was in Denver for a dinner. Until now and we're going to fill you in we've been able to do some really big things together because of the graciousness of Gavin's mind and his heart. He is an amazing husband to Amber, an amazing father who's always looking for more and more time he can spend with his family and special experiences he can spend with his family. So if you're one of those people who's thinking you're either successful or you spend time with your family, he's going to break that cycle of your mindset as well. My friend Gavin Ekstrom, I know this is long overdue, so give me shit if you want to give me shit.
Gavin Ekstrom:
Welcome to the burn. Hey, buddy, thank you and man, so many kind words and, yeah, I always say that people come into your life for a reason. They figure out why and that why it took a little bit of time for us to get to that point, but, man, I'm sure glad it did. Then you've changed my life and so many others around me in such a positive way that I don't I would not be here today without you pouring into me and listen, man, it's like I always ask myself what would Ben do in this situation? How would he? I don't want to get up. I'm like, why is he already awake? And I got questions for you too, buddy.
Gavin Ekstrom:
So, but yes, especially in this day and age, in this market that we're currently dealing with in real estate, but in life in general, there's those days where I don't want to get out of bed, right, I don't. I don't want to go and make one more phone call, see one more client or take one more application, but yet, at the end of the day, it's, it's one word, it's winning. I want to win and I want to win at the highest level. I don't feel like lately I've played as big as I need to. As a person, and as in the last, I would say, three weeks, I've really started to ignite my burn even more and get more connected to it, and I got to thank you for it, brother.
Ben Newman:
Oh, it's a. We are in this fight together and only scratching the surface of the great things and the impact will will make together. You know, what I'd love for everybody to hear the level of success that you've had and that's what I love is that you're still wanting to do way more. It's really extraordinary the success you've had as a leader across country mortgage and everything that you've touched. Take us back to when you first started. You know what. What was that burn for you? Where did this desire to work hard? Where did the passion come from to pour into people and to grow people?
Gavin Ekstrom:
Yeah. So I have to tell you, youngest of six, my mom raised me as she worked three jobs, and so the definition of hard work. I just looked to my mother even today she still not working three jobs, but she works one job and volunteers at like four other places just to keep herself busy at 82 years old. And I look at her hard work day in and day out and, man, she set the bar high and so I'm only doing my best to make her proud and get to that bar. And so I started this industry almost 30 years ago and literally was selling shoes and a gentleman walked in to buy shoe trees and shoe polish and you know I sized him up. He walked out with a four pair of shoes, shoe trees and shoe polish, and this was back in 93. So I remember the bill like it was yesterday. It was about 2600 bucks and shoot, even today that's a, that's a big balance.
Gavin Ekstrom:
And next day I show up to work and there's a note that says call Bob Parks. And so in retail you're like dang, he's going to return everything. And so I called him up and I said hey, bob, this is Gavin. He said hey, I just got to tell you, young man. You did a number on me last night and I was kind of like well, am I offended by that? So he said I've never been sold that way, but you're selling the wrong product. And I was born and raised in Utah and so when anyone says product, I'm thinking of multi-level, amway, you sauna. So I immediately cut him off and I said well, listen, sir, I'm really glad you called me, but not interested in getting into a multi-level program. And he goes no, I want to teach you about mortgages. I didn't know how to spell it, let alone what it was. My mom rented her entire life, right, and so I agree to take the lunch. My first contract was $35,000 in commission and 35 basis points, so back then the average loan was about $100,000. That was $350 in commission. At 19 years old, I just hit the jackpot. So I signed the contract. I signed up, I show up day one, ben, and Bob goes hey, listen, buddy, everybody in here has a lender and you're not. It All the business is out there. And so he pointed to this apartment complex and so I just went door knocking and I literally said house prices are great, interest rates are low. Wendy, your plan on buying. Damned if every third or fourth house wouldn't invite me in. And back then, ben, it was white, white, yellow, pink press, hard right. And so I'm 19. I'm now almost 50. I feel like I look young for my age. Back then I looked like I was about 12 and should be selling cookies or something.
Gavin Ekstrom:
So I go back that day at the end of the day and I said here you go, bob, I got 10. And he's like where did you get him? And I said you're exactly right. That apartment complex over there, old farm, it's full of people that want to buy houses. And he looked at me. He wanted to call me an idiot, but he did. And he looked at me and said, son, what I meant was the world is your oyster. Go take your claim, go stake your world, but let's see what you got. So, long story short, we have the 10,. Three were good. We submitted the three to underwriting. All three got declined. And he came back.
Gavin Ekstrom:
The same guy that was so excited to hire me came back and said I don't know if this is the right career path for you. So I said well, bob, I know how to sell. I just don't know how to, why alone works or how to put it together. And, truth be known, he gave me three books. I went and read them, cover to cover, that weekend and I went back that Monday and I said, hey, this one will work, this one will work and this one will work, and the others the other seven or six that we that you said no to, I'm going to take a look at those and find a way to make them work. And lo and behold, I got them all done and that was what started my career.
Gavin Ekstrom:
And again, not afraid of the door, I just went to bigger houses and I just said, hey, your house looks tired. You're probably sitting on a ton of equity. I've got a contractor in a way that we can access the money to fix up your house. Would you be interested? Damn, if every fifth or six house didn't invite me in, by then I had gotten a restraining order, old farm, so I couldn't go there anymore. But in a nutshell, that's, I was just off to the races and didn't know what I was doing, but I knew. I knew one thing I like people. People come into your life for a reason. It's up to you to figure out why. That's. All I was doing is just figuring out why and how I could help this, serve this person in front of me, and I've made a career out of it. More than a career out of it.
Ben Newman:
Let me tie it back to your burn. On some of those days when you're getting the rejection, you're hearing this now future mentor who believed in you. Maybe this isn't for you. How much did you go back to your mom's example? You know, obviously you know my mother's story as well, and so often times I go back. It's like if my mom could do that, I'm not going to stop. Would that go through your mind when you were getting the rejection? I have to imagine, with the example your mom set, like big deal, somebody told me no, or they got rejected. Like did you have that attitude because of that, the perspective that you just weren't going to stop fighting?
Gavin Ekstrom:
Yeah, I'll tell you. I remember this too. My mom told me one time this is probably the worst advice she gave me. She said, gavin, you never go to work because you like it. You go to work to get paid. And so that always resonated in my mind. I was always looking for what a position that I truly was going to like, embrace and want to go on this journey. That was the mindset of that age group. Like my mom wasn't educated right. She had six children. She went to work to make ends meet for her family. She didn't enjoy it, but yet she's been at the same place. I was he's on the other day. She's been in the same job almost 50 years. Like she's been there a long time. But for her was to make ends meet to me is.
Gavin Ekstrom:
I grew up, we grew up poor. We never went out love and my mom never. We were. We were rich with. I always say like we were. We were rich with love and care and connection. We weren't financially rich. I grew up sleeping on a mattress and I just remember days of sleeping on that mattress and telling myself I'll never, I'll never live a life like this. I'm going to become a millionaire, I'm going to do a lot of good things in the world. I remember posting something about that later in life and somebody from junior high said I didn't know you very well, but I remembered any time I would speak to you about certain things. There was always you were going to do something great and I'm still working on it, but one day I'm going to do something great. So I would think of her all the time.
Ben Newman:
That that's the feeling when we met the first time, without knowing what level of success really, what you did there really is that energy to you and you just I just kind of knew I'm like this guy's got something going on. That's why I was like something big will happen between the two of us, because it was just this special energy and passion. So you go from that burn, which is so important. I hope that can resonate with so many. I want to turn to your family because I think of you know the times we've been back in I think it was the same the same damn sweet at games with your kids and times I've been together with you and Amber, and dinners that we've shared together. Family is so important to you. What do you say to those individuals who think that you have to sacrifice your family in order to be successful?
Gavin Ekstrom:
Yeah, I've learned my wife. It starts with my wife and, yes, I'm afraid of her, but, man, like she just keeps it real. You know what I mean. And she'll tell you hey, you're not depositing enough or you're withdrawn too much, and my kids are in sport or in college and I've made some mistakes as a parent, and what I work on the most is just being present. What I find is that my kids just want me to be there, say yes and do things with them.
Gavin Ekstrom:
There comes a time where they're not going to want to do it anymore. You know what I mean. And so they're my why. And let me tell you I used to always say my wife is my why. Because if I got it right with my wife together, we could get it right with our kids. And one day I was driving to work and I was a little frustrated with my wife, and so I'm like do I not go to work? Because if she's my why? Like, do I just go skiing for the day or go to work out all day? What do I do?
Ben Newman:
And so my way to work.
Gavin Ekstrom:
I said no, I've had it wrong. You got to have whys, and so my whys are my kids, because if I get it right with my kids, it's really easy to get it right with my wife, and so they are my why. I do everything that I do. And growing up as a single parent under a single parent roof, I just never want that. You know, I never want that for my own. I want to give them every opportunity that they have to succeed and do whatever it is in life that they want to do. You know, I'll tell you, I was, we were at dinner and we're raising great kids. I know I have great kids on to read this text. So we're at dinner and I'm talking to Beckett, my 15 year old, and I'm saying, hey, talking about what's happening in Israel, and he said isn't your, isn't your friend Glenn, who's our chief revenue officer, by the way of this company? Isn't he Jewish? And I said yeah, and so we started talking about him. He says can I get Glenn's number?
Ben Newman:
And I said yeah, no problem.
Gavin Ekstrom:
And so Glenn calls me the other day and says hey, your son reached out to me and I said yeah, he asked for your number. I just want to. You know, I gave it to him. I hope it's okay. He said he sent me this text. He said hey, glenn, this is Beckett Gavin's son, just wanted to say I'm sorry for everything that's happening in Israel. I'm praying that it stops soon. They've never met 15 years old, never met in their life. They've known that we've gone on vacation. They know that we've talked about them. He said hey, beckett, thank you for the kind note. Your parents are raising you into a fine young man. We just want to raise good, good humans, right, and there's days when I get home and I'm exhausted, but that's when my day begins, because those boys and little Mila and Cicely, my oldest they need me, and so when I'm, when I'm parent, I'm full time.
Gavin Ekstrom:
I'll tell you another story. The other night, london's going off to a camp in Washington DC and the drop off time is 3am, and so he's like dad, I just want to stay awake, can we just stay awake and you can drop me off at the airport at 3am. I'm like, let's do it. And so I'm like oh this, so we go to a haunted house, hang out for an hour there, and then we go to Dave and Buster's till 2am and as I'm driving back from dropping it off at the airport, it just dawned on me he didn't care about, he didn't care about what time it was, he just wanted to be with his dad and he just wanted that one on one hang out time. And so I make the best of it. I was hating myself on Sunday because I had two, but it is what it is. You know, god doesn't give you more than you can't handle, and I'll take every moment of it.
Ben Newman:
Speaking of that, you've far, far exceeded what I could have imagined you sharing with our audience. This is so powerful and I want to tie something together and then the God will only give you so much that you can handle. I want to talk about something and shift gears here, but a lot of times people struggle and they say to me well, aren't the burn and the why the same? But you, just you, just you say it different. It's like no, if you pay attention, my, my burn is my mom's example. Gavin's burn is his mother's example. That's what gave him perspective and it's that burn that ignites the why to fight for his kids. And then that's what causes him, if you pay attention to what he said, to say on the days that, what I want to do it, I think about my kids, and on the days when I win, I still think about my kids because they enjoy. When we win, we got to keep winning. That's the difference between burn and why, and we've had so many guests. You just highlighted that so beautifully. The difference and I want to talk about now the you get what you can handle right now and let's not act like we're riding around on unicorns.
Ben Newman:
You've been in the industry for 30 years, dear friends of yours, that I get the blessing of working with it. It'll become close friends. This is arguably the worst you have ever seen it. And rather than deciding to just shut it down and do nothing, you, because of your passion and your fire inside of you, said I am going to do something in Denver. That is huge and I'm going to give back and serve and have an impact in the real estate and mortgage community so that people can fight when they feel like they can't.
Ben Newman:
And you created impact and impact 23, and it was a blessing for me to be part of that first event. Tell us about why you're still fighting when it's so hard, when, financially, you could just say hey, you know what I'm going to do. I'm going to take the family somewhere, rent a beautiful house and when rates go down, I'll come back to Denver. You could do that, but that's not you. Why did you lean in and create impact and why are you fighting harder than you ever have when it's the worst time you've ever faced in this industry?
Gavin Ekstrom:
Yeah, so I lean in a lot, like I talked about the kids.
Gavin Ekstrom:
Right, they're watching and so they read, they hear, they see, and so if I pull back when times are tough, it's going to set the wrong example for them.
Gavin Ekstrom:
But if I dig in deeper, when we're in the situation like we're in, they are watching me, they see how I act, they see what I'm doing. There's no days off and a double and down in a market like this, and so we have the opportunity to impact so many individuals that may be down on their career choices or down on this path, and there's so much opportunity there. So if I get their mind right with the individuals like yourself that are the biggest and the best in the industry, then the opportunities that it has to impact and make a difference, not only in our own real estate community but around the world that, to me, is living out a legacy. That, to me, is what the next chapter of my life is going to be all about. It's just simply continuing to make a difference in other people's lives, the way that individuals like yourself and many others have made a difference in mine.
Ben Newman:
And I want to. This is really important too. You and throwing this event met obstacles because it's a tough industry and you stayed the course, and so many people you've seen this in your leadership of others. They give up before they realize that the huge impact is right there if they just keep fighting. And I show up for this first Impact 23 event. The stage was off the charts, the music was off the charts, the venue was off the charts, the food was off the charts, your team was fired up and ready to greet people and then you go into this room and you're a couple of hairs shy of getting to a thousand people for the first ever Impact event and I'm like, like.
Ben Newman:
I knew Gavin was a fighter but like this is mind blowing and I just want you to encourage people who are just choosing to not fight and to not lean in, regardless of their industry. Why is it important to just keep fighting, regardless of what the results might tell you at a particular time?
Gavin Ekstrom:
I'll tell you, go end zone to end zone. So many of us in life stop at the 50 yard line and determine that it just isn't worth it. But you never got to the other end to really determine if it's worth the celebration. And during Impact there were times where man I wanted us to maybe pull back or stop it. We had to move the date. And so I'm like is this the sign? Is that we shouldn't be doing this? And I said, no, this is just the sign that we can do it better and we can do it right. And so we regrouped that's the 50 yard line, right.
Gavin Ekstrom:
We regrouped at the 50 yard line, redirected the plan and we went for it all in head down and we weren't going to stop until we got to the end zone. And even leading up to it three weeks before I'm calling you, I'm like ticket sales are not great and you're like they'll come at the last minute to watch and it's crazy how much so many people procrastinate. But don't procrastinate. But they got their tickets and they showed up and we knew if we could get them there, we could give them an experience unlike any other Having a live DJ, having a phenomenal light show, making sure that every attention to detail was looked at and then afterwards having a meeting of how we can do the next one Impact 24, bigger and better than the last one.
Gavin Ekstrom:
How can we continue the mission of just impacting more lives? And continuing this but the mindset of, hey, if I quit, what am I showing to my team and, more importantly, what am I showing to my own family? We don't quit. We finish it and we make a decision if we're going to do it again or not. But there's no quitting.
Ben Newman:
And you did just foreshadow and you are wearing the t-shirt, so Impact 23 has now become Impact 24. I know details are coming. Is there anything that you can share so that people have an understanding of what's ahead of us?
Our-our-we're focused on Las Vegas, dallas and Miami, so we know the locations are set. We're identifying the dates, but, yeah, we feel like we have something special here. Based on the-their response and based on the-even, the speakers that saw this event or were part of this event gave us phenomenal feedback.
Ben Newman:
We're doing this for one-one-one-one. Hey, there's-there's two speakers that are dear, dear friends of mine, and that's all I'm going to say, because I know there's some conversations that we have Two dear friends of mine that are two of the best to ever walk the face of the earth that literally reached out and said can you connect me to your buddy who did that? I mean, that's how magnetic the event was.
Gavin Ekstrom:
We just didn't want it to be a traditional summit conference. You know, that's why we called it an event. And listen, I say music will change the world if you just listen to the lyrics and allow it to sink in. And so we had a DJ, we had Blair and music and it just raises the energy. I'm a high energy guy, you're a high energy guy. I think we can infect so many people, even just with our aura and being around them, that this gave us an opportunity to do it and it was a blessing and an opportunity. But now we've got to raise the bar and we've got to make it bigger and better for the next one.
Ben Newman:
I appreciate you so much and I just want to publicly say, because I think it's a very important thing you believed in me from the day that we met and you believed in me when I was sending books that I wrote back in 2012, trying to keep your attention, and you believed in me when you said, man, we're going to do something big at the Broncos Stadium. And we didn't do it once, we did it twice and you've continued to believe in me and I believe in you and I appreciate you and Amber and all of the great things that we'll do, because I know that, with burns as bright as ours, we're only scratching the surface of what we'll do together and I'm grateful for your friendship. I love you, brother, and I'm so glad that you came on the burn to share your fire with everybody.
Gavin Ekstrom:
This wouldn't have happened, the whole impact idea wouldn't have happened, without you connecting me to your burn and your mission of wanting to get bigger and grow those individuals around you. I'm just one of those disciples of you. Brother, I'm just going to continue to run this training and, yeah, I'm honored to call you a friend, a mentor, and I just, yeah, there's not words that can express how much gratitude I have for you, ben.
Ben Newman:
Well, gavin, it's a two-way street and I appreciate you and it's amazing what we both recognized was going to happen that day when we met 15 years ago, and I'm excited for all that lies ahead and everybody who's listening. That's going to be a part of the work that we will do together and the impact we can all make together. Please share this episode with somebody that needs to connect deeper to their burn. Please share this episode with somebody who maybe they don't know the difference between burn and why. And please share this episode with somebody that needs to hear that when times are tough, you may actually have your biggest wins. We're also going to provide all the ways needed to know and to learn more about the impact movement, as well as Gavin, and ways to stay connected with Gavin.
Ben Newman:
And, until next week, continue to fight. Show up after you win. Show up when you don't want to do it. Stay connected to your burn, because your burn can be your fuel for your greatest legacy. We appreciate each and every single one of you. Until next week. This has been the Burn MUSIC.